Que Sera, Sera

Whatever will be, will be.

I don't know about you, but I need constant reminding of this little nugget of wisdom. Most of us spend an awful lot of time and energy fighting the moment, trying to control outcomes that aren't even remotely within our sphere of influence. In Twelve Step Program meetings, you will often hear this passage quoted:

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.

Apparently nothing happens by mistake. Even the stuff we don't like happens for a reason, even if we can't see that reason until we're checking out the situation in hindsight. How many times have you noticed, after the fact, that a "disaster" was really a blessing?

"Thank God I never got THAT job. I love where I am now."

"Where would I be if I had actually MARRIED So-and-So? I never would have met YOU."

"Isn't this house wonderful? SO glad that first deal fell through."

Situations that seem like the end may actually be detours onto new beginnings. This is a philosophy I try to live by. I even wrote a novel about the cleansing effect of disaster, aptly titled, My Creative Destruction. Sometimes, it is the only way I can face another day in times of crisis or uncertainty.

Deepak also reinforces this notion, saying "This moment is exactly as it should be." Instead of fighting the situation, we need to embrace it, learn the lesson in it, or just let it prepare the way for what is next.

Of course, this is in relation to things we cannot control. If we need to lose weight, or quit smoking, or get a job, there are things we can do about that, to a degree. We can put out resumes and go to job fairs, but we have no control over the decisions made by the people hiring. We can put down the cheesecake and join a gym, but we have no control over the genes that give us a certain body type. We can decide to quit smoking, but we have no control over a loved one who needs to quit...but won't. When we find ourselves facing one of these situations in which we have no control, all we can do is embrace acceptance.

I accept that I cannot go SCUBA diving, because I get terrible motion sickness. It sucks, because it looks like a ton of fun, but I have proven that I am not cut out for it (after feeding the fish both in the water and over the side of the boat on a snorkeling expedition in Key West). No deep sea fishing, no thrill rides at theme parks, no reading on the train, no backseat snoozing on a car trip. All I can do is accept this. There must be some good reason for it. Maybe I would die in a horrible shark attack or get stuck in some underwater shipwreck if I were able to do it, because that's the kinda trouble I would very likely go looking for. Maybe I have no business under the sea. This time around, the Universe thinks I have plenty to do on land. (By the way, I can and do go whitewater rafting, for which I am exceedingly grateful. That's some fun right there.)

Of course there are countless other things that I file under acceptance when I realize I am butting my head against a wall. I will never be tall. I am never going to be on American Idol. I can't make others hire me, like me, or publish me against their will. I will never have lovely hands or thick hair. Being bilingual is probably not in the cards.

But I got a whole lotta things going my way. I have many great friends. I am in excellent physical condition, especially for 41. I have two beautiful children who seem to be doing very well in this lifetime so far. I have two degrees and two novels under my belt. A beautiful home. The love of my family. And a wonderful boyfriend who is completely supportive of me.

So I'm including a link to Doris Day's version of the song, Que Sera, Sera. (You may have to paste it into your web address box.) Yes, it's kitschy and corny and old fashioned. But listen to it anyway. And then just TRY to have a bad day. Whatever will be, will be.

Acceptance is the answer to all our problems today. This moment is exactly as it should be, no matter how rough it may seem. One thing I have learned on my rafting trips down rivers: rapids are always followed by calm waters. So, just relax and go with the flow.

Sing it, Doris...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZbKHDPPrrc