This Moment Is Exactly As It Should Be

Deepak says that all the time. Easy to buy when you're lounging on the beach under a palm tree with a piña colada in your hand. Or getting a foot massage. Or watching a child make a wish and blow a dandelion. However, it's not always easy to see the perfection of the moment when you're late for an appointment and stuck in traffic, or when you jam your big toe against the coffee table, or when you are undergoing an invasive medical exam. We tend to think these moments could have gone a little better.

But life ain't all piña coladas, foot massages, and dandelions, is it? Life is messy, confusing, and erratic. The joys can elevate your soul to new heights, and the miseries can make you question if it's even worth living. But either way, life goes on. Maybe it's because I'm a teacher, but I tend to see life as a school, and all the things that happen to us as lessons. If we choose to ignore them, they keep coming back at us.

I use this line with my kids all the time. My daughter (we'll call her Wednesday, after Wednesday Addams) loses everything. Her room is a black hole that will suck up anything you put into it: clothes, shoes, dishes, cups, spoons, crackers, popcorn, makeup, small animals, marginal celebrities, your soul... On a related note, she was in band at school for a year. Her instrument? The tuba (baritone, precisely). This was good for me, because the school had baritones; I didn't have to pony up and buy one. The downside was that she had to have her own mouthpiece, which cost over $50. Of course, she lost it. So, her benevolent band leader let her borrow one. (Bad move.) She lost that one too. Tearfully, she begged me to let her stay home from school. She just couldn't face him and his wrath. I made her go, telling her to accept responsibility, not make excuses, and take her lumps. I said, "If you learn the lesson in this, it won't happen anymore. But if you don't it's just gonna keep happening." She nodded, still wimpering. "So what is the lesson here?"

"Keep up with my stuff."

"Yep. You got it. What are you going to do about it?"

"Keep my mouthpiece in my book bag all the time, in its case."

Fast forward two weeks later. I'm doing laundry and what do I find in the bottom of the washer? Her cell phone (actually my brother's old cell phone since Wednesday had lost hers and was now using his). It was totally ruined. My blood starting to boil, I called her to the laundry room. When she arrived, I brandished the dead Samsung at her and asked something like, "What...the...HELL..."

"Oh, I forgot to take it out of my jeans pocket," she said with a wince.

I was livid. I went into the whole lesson from the Universe rant and asked her, "Didn't you say you had already learned this lesson? I thought you were gonna keep up with your stuff from now on! What happened?" And you wanna know what she said? Get this:

"But I haven't lost my mouthpiece. It's in my bookbag."

I give up.

Confucius once said, "Be not ashamed of mistakes and thus make them crimes." I have made plenty of mistakes in my life so far, and I've considered whether I would change any of them if I could. Sure it would be nice not to have hurt that person, or not to have broken that bone, or not to have missed that opportunity. But I also kinda like where I am today, and who I am becoming. Swords don't get strong because we treat them gently. The blacksmith heats the metal to red-hot and bangs the hell out of it. River rocks aren't polished because they are kept in a safe spot out of the elements. They endure years of being pounded with water and sand until they are smooth. We are forged similarly. In enduring the elements, withstanding the fire, and suffering the blows, we become strong, and beautiful.

So in those less than ideal moments, let's look for the lesson. The traffic jam becomes practice on patience and acceptance. The jammed toe becomes a message to slow down and be mindful of where we are going (literally or figuratively). The medical exam becomes a reminder that we need to take proper care of our bodies, or of the blessing of good health. In this light, all of these moments are exactly as they should be. Even if we don't like 'em.

This way of looking at life proves especially helpful when dealing with people. I'm going to leave you with another gem from Confucius: "No man is your friend, no man is your enemy, every man is your teacher."

See you in school.