That Crazy Little Thing...

Some of my friends were hoping this blog would be sort of a "Sex in the City ATL Style." Because, you know...there just isn't enough sex on the internet. Sorry to disappoint my peeps, but my sex life is none of their business. (Okay, who am I kidding... Lately, my sex life isn't even any of MY business.)

However, I am interested in exploring the topic of "love." For some reason, several of my friends have been coming to me for advice about this subject. I guess as a single, divorced woman on the other side of forty, I qualify as some sort of expert in this area. Sort of like going to a priest for marital advice if you ask me. Anyway, the upshot is that I've had a lot of discussions on this topic lately. And I think I am more confused than ever.

One thing has become abundantly clear to me. Everyone defines this animal very differently. In some cultures, it's not even a prerequisite for a successful marriage. A friend of mine got married not too long ago, and he searched for a wife like he was picking out a fridge at Brandsmart: looked at all the models, compared prices, picked a finish he liked, with just the right cubic capacity, and financed that puppy. Done. Next thing.

Me, I tend to have rather romantic notions about love. I think there needs to be that flutter in your gut when your eyes meet across a room. There's something unexpected and spontaneous about how it hits you, too. I'm more likely to purchase that fridge on a trip to the mall for socks. I'll happen to wander through the appliance section, see the fridge of my dreams, and say, "Where have YOU been all my life? You're too big for my kitchen, your color doesn't match my other appliances, and you're way outta my price range, but damn..."

Some of us just want steady, dependable companionship. Togetherness. Let's pay the mortgage together. Let's show up to parties together. Let's watch American Idol together. Let's sit on this porch and grow old in these rockers together. Then some of us want more....need more. Ah, there's the rub. What exactly is that something more? Depends on who you ask.

For me, there are a few somethings more I would like. (And asking is free, right?) First, I want someone who makes me laugh. This is a dealbreaker. Laughter is my salve, my drug of choice, my sacred ritual for any occasion. If I don't laugh with someone, I am not really connecting with that person. And I must connect.

Secondly, I'm an Aquarius, and we're the poster children for A.D.H.D. As one of my buddies says, I'm "overstimulated and easily bored." It's gonna have to be interesting. I crave novelty, abhor routine, and welcome change. And we're also very humanitarian, we Aquarians, so a man concerned with his own spiritual development will get farther in the door than one with a flashy car or designer jeans.

I think my problem is I'm not practical enough. My fridge-shopping friend might have something to teach me about passing over the models that might not work in my kitchen. Perhaps I'm too open to possibilities. Still, I'm not in any hurry to buy, so I won't be making any trips to Brandsmart just yet. Not as long as being alone is also a viable option, and it is.

See, there are so many other kinds of love that sustain us, besides this elusive, fragile, romantic version. I love my friends. Jesus Krishna, I have no idea what I ever did to deserve the friends I have, but I thank whatever karmic deeds my previous incarnations performed to bring these people into my life. They love me, support me, accept me, and make me laugh. May it always be so.

And I love my family. I talk to my mother nearly every day. Not only is she the most compassionate woman I've ever known (except for maybe her mother), she also bestowed on me her wonderful sense of humor. She may not know the meaning of "namaste," but she sympathizes with all her fellow humans and taught me to do the same through her example. Plus she's funny as hell. Bless her. And nobody makes me laugh more than my brother. He might just be the funniest man alive, and for some reason, he thinks I'm pretty cool. I so heart him.

Then there is the Love with a capital L that I have for my kids. It's the kind of love that makes my breath catch in my chest at times. Like when my son once told me, "Mom, I think you're part God, part fairy, and part everything." (sigh) Or when I hear my sardonic sense of humor coming out of my daughter's mouth. She has a "scene name" apparently, which is now her signature on her text messages. I asked her what my scene name should be. Her retort: "Um, ur 40. You don't get one. :)"

If life is a journey, I have had some wonderful traveling companions along the way so far. And most of them have not been "lovers," although I have loved them all. Many come and go, others stick around, and I look forward to the ones who will be joining me further down the road. I guess I am going to continue remaining open to the possibilities. It's worked so far. I'm surrounded by some beautiful souls.

So, as long as I have them in my kitchen...who needs a damn fridge anyway?