Expectations Are Just Premeditated Resentments

I didn't make that up (wish I had), but isn't it so true? Think about it. Whenever we get disappointed, upset, angry, or sad about something, it's because that something didn't turn out "like we expected."

We expect the weather to be nice for an outdoor occasion. We expect our boss to notice the good job we did on that last project. We expect that guy will call us after the awesome date we had last weekend. (And you guys out there expect that your date will "thank you later" for the expensive lobster bisque she ordered at dinner.) Then, when it rains on your parade, when your boss criticizes your performance, when the guy doesn't ever call, (or when she gives you the goodnight handshake), we seethe with righteous indignation. "What the...??"

Blame the E word.

My New Year's resolutions for 2010 included giving up expectations. Like Deepak (Chopra) says, "We don't dig up seeds to see if they are germinating." We ought to make intentions (wishes) but then let go of outcomes, knowing the Universe will conspire to make them come true in ways we may not even understand. But isn't that tantamount to inviting a bunch of people to a party and then expecting the Universe to see to it that my house gets cleaned, the food gets prepared, the flowers get arranged, and the booze gets bought? (I throw awesome parties...) This feels like laziness to me. I'm a planner. I'm organized. I'm all about the details. How can I not dig up those seeds, just to check on em?

Surprisingly, I've been doing rather well on this particular resolution. (My abs are still hiding under a layer of Halloween candy, Christmas cookies, and birthday cake, but this one I've just about nailed.) So how is life without expectations? Well, first of all, I'm not perfect. Still, by being mindful about not expecting stuff, I have really noticed when I do start expecting certain outcomes. And then, I release them. It's very freeing. I forget that I sent off that novel query to that agent. I let go of ever hearing from that cute, funny guy again. I assume that I might be going to see Wilco in the rain. Whatevs. I got an umbrella.

See, it's all about staying present, in the Now, as Eckhart (Tolle) tells us. (By the way, I'm gonna call these guys by their first names, since I feel at this point like we're old pals.) If we are expecting something, then our minds dwell in the future, which is not reality. And if we set up a future in our mind, and the real future doesn't match up...uh oh.

Now this doesn't mean we need to be careless grasshoppers who don't plan for retirement or organize our schedules. We make plans, just aren't attached to the outcome. We know that things change, and we roll with it. We save in our 401K's and IRA's, just don't expect that we will be livin' large in a villa in Costa Rica come 55. We stay where we are: right here, today, in the present.

I am very proud of the fact that I have never imagined my kids as adults. I don't picture them married with 2.5 kids, I don't assume they will get a J.D. or an M.D. or a Ph.D., I don't even take for granted they will be straight. My daughter could grow up to be a lesbian performance artist in New York City, or a palm reader in The French Quarter, or a missionary in the Philippines, and none of it would "disappoint" me. My son may end up a bass player in a jazz band, or a high school principal, or a GM of a cabana bar in Cancun, and again, follow your bliss, son. Only they can determine the paths to follow in this lifetime in order to fulfill their respective purposes. Besides, I got my own life to figure out, so my plate is full. (Anyone want some of this? I can't eat it all...)

So, try it. Let go of expectations, just for one day. See how you feel. Whatever you are presently hoping for, let go of that particular outcome. Plant some seeds, then walk away, knowing they will come up in their own due time. Forget about planning the future. Instead, stay in the present moment, the Now...where all the real fun is.