What's in the Jar?

One of my favorite spiritual lesson stories is the one about the monkey and the jar. It goes something like this:

A monkey happens upon a clay jar with a perfectly ripe piece of fruit inside it. He reaches in to claim his prize, only to find that his hand won't come back out again. The fruit is too large. He pulls and pulls, trying to squeeze his hand back through the narrow opening, but to no avail. So there he sits, his hand stuck, refusing to let go of the fruit. Now, the fruit is useless to him, since he cannot retrieve it. He will not enjoy the taste of it, and it will soon be rotten. Meanwhile, he will be encumbered by this clumsy jar at the end of his hand, all because he refuses to let go.

I have been that monkey. Letting go is a hard one. Most people fear change, so much so that a familiar pain is sometimes preferable to an unfamilar joy. Hamlet even lamented this one in his "To be or not to be" speech. Of course, he was talking about death, the ultimate unfamiliar change, but I think we can all relate to avoiding the new and the uncertain, making "us rather bear those ills we have/Than fly to others that we know not of?"

People do this all the time. They stay in bad jobs and bad marriages. They don't go back to school or take the new position in another state (or country). They don't move, or try a new doctor, or a new career. They don't say goodbye to people who hurt them. At least with the substandard, the humdrum, the mediocre, and the so-so...they know what they're getting. But do you know what they don't know?

What they're missing out on.

See, if we stay in a boring, dead-end job, we may miss out on the dream job that fulfills us. If we stay in an unhealthy marriage, we may miss out on growing old with our soul mate. If we don't try another doctor, we may miss out on the cure that eludes us. And if we stay in relationships with people who hurt us, we may miss out on knowing what true unconditional love and acceptance really feels like.

Here's another story. This is a true one. (Not that that monkey thing couldn't have really happened. But I think it was probably made up to prove a point.)

There once was a young girl who wanted to be in the U.S. military. At 6'2" she was very athletic and played several sports in her youth. She went to Smith College, where she earned a bachelor's degree, and planned to go into the Navy or the Women's Army Corp. Unfortunately, she was "too tall" for either, so she went to work for the Office of Strategic Services (OSS, which later became the CIA). Here, she worked her way up to a top secret researcher position, working directly under the general in charge of the OSS. Her work included developing shark repellent to protect the explosives intended for German U-boats from being detonated by curious sharks, and our girl earned awards and recognition for her projects. But guess what...she fell in love. (A common career-buster.)

Marrying a man she met in the OSS office, our statuesque brainiac had to follow him to Paris, where her OSS career ended. So what else is there to do but take a cooking class and start throwing dinner parties, right? Well, she did just that. After graduating from Le Cordon Bleu, she and two classmates decided to write a cookbook. Although it only earned them a $750 advance, it ended up selling in the millions. Mastering the Art of French Cooking was only the beginning. A television show followed, and Julia Child became synonymous with fine cuisine.

Now THAT'S a woman who can adapt to change and make some gourmet lemonade outta lemons. She could have said no to the love of her life for the sake of her career. She could have given up on any career for "her man." But she got to eat her cake and have it too. (Leave it to Julia.) Who says we can't have it all? If she hadn't been willing to let go of the OSS career, she never would have been able to have both an inspiring marriage and a groundbreaking career in the culinary arts.

So, what are you holding onto in that jar? What is it you think you can't live without? Do you feel like you might be missing out on something greater? Well, what are you waiting for? You have to let go to receive. In order for your cup to be filled, it must first be emptied. So forgive me for mixing my metaphors, but let go of the fruit, pour out your cup, and start fresh, with an empty cup, empty hands, an open mind, and an open heart.

Your destiny is out there for you. Now go get it, you monkey.