Off the Grid

I did something subversive. Something totally against the grain of contemporary American society. Not only do I feel completely unashamed by my actions, I feel really, really good. This must be what the feminists in the 70's felt like when they burned their bras, or when bearded, bandanna-wearing hippies took a bic to their draft cards. Liberated. "Take THAT, establishment! Ha!"

I left facebook.

That's right. I deactivated my account indefinitely, and I am this close to going back in and deleting all of its contents altogether. Perhaps you are wondering why I would do such a thing. (Several of my facebook buddies asked me this when I announced my imminent departure in my status update a few days before I "left the building.") 500 million users can't be wrong, can they? Well, certainly facebook has its benefits. It does bring people together and keep families and friends in contact over long distances. I have rekindled some very special friendships with long-lost pals thanks to good old facebook, people I would probably never have crossed paths with again. So for that, I am grateful to Mark Zuckerberg's little Harvard project.

However, like everything, facebook has its dark side. Lately the news is full of stories about facebook-fueled firings, privacy breaches, child predator "groups," and even bully-induced suicides. These are the extremes, but even regular users might find some familiarity in my list of reasons for logging out for good.

1. It is a tremendous time waster. As of January this year, the average user spent fifty-five minutes a day on facebook, and that number continues to climb. All of the other top ten websites have seen a decline in use, while facebook has seen a steady rise. Bottom line, we are checking in more and more, doing other things less and less. Judging by the number of friends I had who were facebooking at all hours of the day, I would guess many of us are becoming less and less productive.

2. "The age of privacy is over." According to Mark Zuckerberg, at least. He said this prophetic statement January 8th in front of a live audience. Marshall Kirkpatrick quotes him in an article published on Read Write Web:

"When I got started in my dorm room at Harvard, the question a lot of people asked was 'why would I want to put any information on the Internet at all? Why would I want to have a website?'

"And then in the last 5 or 6 years, blogging has taken off in a huge way and all these different services that have people sharing all this information. People have really gotten comfortable not only sharing more information and different kinds, but more openly and with more people. That social norm is just something that has evolved over time.

"We view it as our role in the system to constantly be innovating and be updating what our system is to reflect what the current social norms are."

He said this in response to questions about changing the privacy settings to default to "public" starting in December of 2009. See, facebook wants your information "out there." The more our info is circulating, the more profitable the network is. To make matters worse, recent reports say facebook apps have been selling user profile info to companies. I find this unsettling. I'm not ready to live in a privacy-free world. I know I share a fair amount of details about my life through my writing, so this may seem disingenuous, but I prefer to be in charge of what gets disseminated to the world at large. Which leads to the third reason...

3. It's ruining people's jobs and relationships. Teachers get fired for posting pics of themselves at a party with a drink in their hand. Employees get fired for posting as their status update what they are doing on a day they called in sick. According to an article by Larry Hartstein in the Atlanta Journal Constitution, sixty-six percent of divorce lawyers consider facebook the "unrivaled leader for online divorce evidence." Eighty-one percent have seen an increase in its use for divorce cases. Often, it is the key for getting child custody or proving a spouse has lied. I personally know of more than one marriage that is in jeopardy due to facebook-rekindled romances from high school. We have way too much access to our exes--their faces, their activities, their social lives--more so than ever before in human history. Almost eighty percent of people remain friends with their exes on facebook. Remember when you moved on and didn't know what was going on with your ex except through the occasional bump-in at the mall or word of mouth from a mutual friend? Many admit to keeping the connection on facebook just to "see what they are up to." Used to be, a person had to drive by their house to do that, back when we called that "stalking."

4. Perhaps we keep these connections because of reason number four: narcissism. Somewhere along the way, the word "friend" has been demoted. It's all about quantity, not quality. One of my students admitted to the class that he didn't have a facebook account (he was one of two who were off the grid). When asked why not, he replied, "I have six friends and I like three of them. Who needs a facebook account for that?" I know of people with friend counts over a thousand. Every time they meet a person at a bar or a party, they "friend" them. Then of course they look at each other's pictures, comments, and status updates. Look at me, look at me, look at me. Here's me with my flattering photos, my clever comments, my snarky status updates. Love me. Adore me. I'm checking in here. I'm hanging out there. And you should all care, people. We are all just a little bit famous on facebook, aren't we? Not me. Not anymore.

So how has life been since I left?

In a word: sublime. My productivity went up immediately. When I sit down to the computer to pay bills, plan lessons, answer emails, or print documents, I no longer have that pull to "check in" with my peeps. Minutes later, I'm done, free to go do other things, like clean my home, plant things in my yard, go Christmas shopping early (almost done!), read a book, play Wii with my son, organize my garage, have a cup of coffee on the porch with Michael... You know, just live.

My relationships are more meaningful. Less scattered and divided, I can now focus more on the people and events that are really important. It's very easy to click on faces in a friends list when hosting an event. But if people really want you to come, they will remember to let you know. That is exactly what has happened since my profile disappeared. I still get invited to the party. In addition, I now have a sense of privacy, and I am no longer privy to other people's drama that used to annoy or irritate me. Life is more serene, like that feeling you get when you turn off a noisy television that no one was watching anyway.

Lastly, I enjoy the sense of humility that comes with less focus on one's self. I no longer see a slew of pictures of myself every day, deciding when to change my profile pic and to which other "flattering photo." No more ego-stroking, back-and-forth comments on my wall. With more "doing" in my life and less of facebook's inherent narcissism, I feel a sense of simple gratitude. I have lost nothing; its absence is good for my soul.

Life is easier, quieter, simpler, and yet more fulfilling, sort of like life before the social network took it online. As one of my students declared after she wrote a research paper about facebook, "I deactivated last week, and it feels awesome." Another student piped in, "I deleted my account, too. I don't miss it at all."

So, here is a suggestion for those of you who aren't ready to jump ship just yet. Jimmy Kimmel has declared November 17th as "National Unfriend Day." He is urging people to cut the "friend fat" and reduce their ridiculous friends lists to just, well, actual friends. Consider it. Do you really need that connection to your 10th grade biology lab partner? Or the guy who gave you your tattoo? Or your old boss? Dare I say it...your ex?

I'm not saying that I will never return (I've learned to never say never), and leaving altogether isn't for everyone, especially those separated from loved ones and those who use it judiciously. But I really don't miss it. For now, I like being off the grid. It's like someone took a big item off my to do list. It's liberating. Take THAT, Zuckerberg. Here's a new social norm for you: facebook is an option. And I'm opting out.