Lizard Brain

Yes, that's my title for this post. Lizard Brain. A good friend of mine was telling me over dinner last night that there is a part of our brains that's solely focused on survival. Located at the base of our skull, near the spinal column, it is the "old" part of our noggin, and it is here that our basic survival instincts get their say. That pretty much means "fight, flee, eat, or get it on."

Thank the Universe our brains have remodeled and added-on since the reptilian days. But, the old Lizard Brain is still there. Its modern day effect? It makes us resist "danger" and avoid "risky" situations. Basically, it makes us run away from anything we perceive as a threat. A good thing? Not always. See, it makes us hang out in our comfort zone, avoiding the situations that might drive up our blood pressure, embarrass us, or make us lose money. This made me wonder...do all the self-made millionaires and billionaires in the world have a stunted Lizard Brain? Do stand-up comedians have Lizard Brain damage? And all those people who willingly allow themselves to fall in love, risking emotional devastation and loss...were they just born without a Lizard Brain at all?

When Bill Gates decided to drop out of Harvard to start a business with a pal, I doubt his friends and family said, "Alright! Finally you're making some smart decisions!" But his risk paid off, in the billions. Perhaps he ignored the Lizard Brain's warning: "Danger! Danger! Failure highly probable! Abort and return to campus immediately!" So, how can the rest of us learn to tune out our Lizard Brains as well?

I've ignored mine on a few occasions, and I have to admit two things. One, it's really, really hard to do. The possibility of failure is a scary thing. To overcome the fear of it, you must surround yourself with supportive people who believe in you and offer encouragement. And two, every time I did it, stepped out of my comfort zone and did something the Lizard didn't like, I was glad I did. I can say without qualification that I have never regretted ignoring my Lizard. (Random aside: I wonder if anyone has ever written that sentence before I just did right now. Hmm.)

For example, when I got divorced, I knew that I was doing something a lot of people still don't approve of. You aren't supposed to bust up families. You stick it out. That's the admirable thing to do. Do it for the children. I live in the burbs, too, where daily life is more steeped in traditional families, and gossip can run rampant. Did I want to be "that woman who left her marriage?" Did I really want to be the only divorced woman I knew within 30 miles? Did I want to feel the cold stares in the grocery store and see the judgmental looks at the PTA meetings?

No. Of course not. But frankly, those people weren't living my life, I was. So I did what I was scared to do. It took me a couple years of therapy to get the courage, but I eventually told my Lizard to shut the hell up. And even with the stares and the looks, I am exponentially happier on this side of that decision.

But my Lizard is talking his smack again. If you've been keeping up here, then you know I have avoided romantic relationships for awhile now for several reasons. One, I'm very picky and most men just don't register on my radar. I'm a complex (complicated?) person, and I require all sorts of stimulation to remain awake and alert in a relationship. Remember, I'm the poster child for ADD. Second, I'm focusing on getting my collective crap together, financially, vocationally, and spiritually. Until I'm successful, wealthy, and enlightened, I'm not really ready to share my life with anyone else, right?

Well...

You may remember reading in my post "Nothing Personal" that I was briefly on Match.com. I hated it. I canceled my membership and was waiting out the rest of my paid trial. No one interested me, and I felt like it was a big fat time-waster. I didn't have time to respond to these emails from strangers, and they were getting offended and annoyed. But I did read them. Sorta. Then one day I got an email from someone who had apparently emailed me before. It just said "Still love those eyes" in the subject line, and "They get me every time...;-)" in the body.

What? Who is this guy...?

I read the previous emails. They were nice. Not at all pushy, but friendly and complimentary.

Hmm. Let's see his profile.

Cute. Big, muscle-bound, Italian guy with a few tattoos and a shaved head. Nice smile, beautiful eyes. The pics are clearly in several different countries.

How'd I miss this? Let's read the profile though...maybe he's a meat-head.

Likes to travel, good cook, great attitude on life, and most importantly....very funny.

I wrote him back. Rather than meet for some lame coffee date that feels more like an interview, I offered to meet out with our friends at a pub that was having a big party that night, kinda like real people met before the Internet got involved in matchmaking. He was fine with that plan, and showed up with a few of his friends where I was hanging out with a bunch of mine.

In person, he was every bit as cute as his pics (maybe more so), a delightful conversationalist, a complete gentleman, and yep...funny.

Since that night, he doesn't play games, he holds the door open for me, he buys me dinner, he texts me every morning, he goes with the flow, he laughs (a lot), he makes me laugh (a lot), and he clearly doesn't listen to his Lizard Brain. He's very responsible and dependable, but he seems to live as if life is one big party and he's just glad to have been invited.

So, even though my Lizard Brain is telling me to go pour a glass of wine, take a hot bath, pet the cat, and watch a movie, I'm putting on my party dress, too.

Shut up, Lizard.